It's Going to Be Okay. We Are Still a Family

Today in Relief Society, we had a lesson on happiness and keeping the eternal perspective. The teacher showed this clip from YouTube. It amazing to see this young man's testimony. He truly knows of that the Plan of Salvation is real. We need to remember that no matter the trial or hardship, this life is short. If families have been sealed in the temple and with the Holy Spirit of Promise, they can be with each other forever. I know that no matter what happens in my life, we are still a family and it's going to be okay.

Born This Way?

I'm sure you have heard the common misconception that homosexual people are "born that way." Don't feel bad, Lady Gaga seems to think so too. Studies have shown that there are small, yet significant differences in the brains of heterosexual and homosexual beings. Yes, this is true. However, we cannot say that homosexuality is genetic because the study done was in no way deep enough. The brains observed in the study were that of older people. Did you know that our brains can change dependent on our habits? Who is to say that the brains of the homosexual beings didn't acquire such differences later on in life?

Researchers Simon LeVay, Dean Hamer, and the research team of J. Michael Bailey and Richard C. Pillard did a study concerning homosexuality vs. heterosexuality and genetics, which brought up an interesting point. It is also important to note that of the four researchers, three are identified homosexuals. This is what LeVay had to say about his study:

"It is important to stress what I didn’t find. I did not prove that homosexuality was genetic, or find a genetic cause for being gay. I didn’t show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain. INAH-3 is less likely to be the sole nucleus of the brain than a part of a chain of nuclei engaged in men and women’s sexual behavior . . . Since I looked at adult brains we don’t know if the differences I found were there at birth, or if they appeared later."

It is possible that the brain of a homosexual is different than that of a heterosexual at birth. It is also possible that it is the same. There are many reasons, explained or unexplained, that lead to a person being homosexual.

So next time you here someone proclaim that it is scientifically proven that some people are born homosexual, you know better to agree with them right away. What we need to remember is that we are all children of Christ. We all have trials. I believe that being homosexual in this life if a trial. Like all trials, we should never give into their deception. There is help and although it may be hard, it will definitely be worth it in the end.

Gay Marriage Debate

For those of you who didn't get to see this debate with Piers Morgan, Suze Orman, and Ryan Anderson, you must watch it. As you watch, remember how people start to behave when they get emotional and angry. When people experience these feelings, we too often turn into cavemen and resort to demeaning language, sob stories, becoming judgmental, etc. We can't argue our point. Notice how Ryan Anderson stays calm and does not anger while Piers Morgan tries to skew his words and Suze Orman "feels sorry for how uneducated he is." Also, when things don't go their way Piers and Suze in a sense say "I'm running out of good comebacks, let bring in the audience to boo Ryan because I can't think of anything good to say." In the end, Ryan shows his intellectualism and Suze and Piers are left looking like fools.

How to Deal With Pain

How do we express feelings in a marriage? Sometimes it is hard to express certain feelings; mainly pain. I don't mean pain as in a scratched arm, I mean pain as in sadness, unhappiness, or pain caused by something that needs to be fixed. How do we begin to talk about fixing something? It's easy to put the blame on someone else for the problems in your marriage. Blaming someone can be compared to complaining. Generally, when people express pain, it evokes compassion. However, complaining is an adults way of crying but it is not compassion evoking. It is important not to blame others for the things we struggle with. Pain without blame brings compassion. Pain with blame equals contention.

Now, there are many other reasons why a marriage could have problems. I'm not saying that blame is the core of all marital problems, however, if you feel that blaming and complaining are a big part of the contention in your home, step back and reevaluate. Take time to think by yourself and then, with your spouse, go to the root of the problem and solve it without complaints or blame. You will find that by communicating, you can solve your problems much more efficiently.

Family System Fences

You can really understand a family by what kind of fence they have. A care-free, no boundary family will have fence posts set up around the perimeter of their yard but will never really get to putting up the fence. They allow people in and out of their backyards and anybody can drop by at any time. We call this a diffused boundary.

Diffused Boundary          . . . . . . . . .

Another fence type that people might have is a rigid boundary. Imagine a neighbor with a 9 foot tall cinder block fence. Obviously, this would not be a very easy yard to get into. This family has very set boundaries and will not let anyone in.

Rigid Boundary          _______________________

The last fence type is the picket fence. Many people would say that their ideal home would have a cute little picket fence surrounding their property. Picket fences are easy to see through but you just can walk over onto someone's property. The picket fence has a clear and permeable boundary.

Clear/Permeable          _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Now, I will apply this to families. First and foremost, moms and dads need to have a strong sense of togetherness. There bond needs to look like this with a clear/permeable boundary around the both of them together.

Around this circle can be a clear/permeable style circle around the children. 

This is the healthy family lifestyle. 

Things We Learned from Jay Winn

My family's close friend passed away last year in a semi-truck accident. Although he is gone, his words and actions will always be in our hearts. These words were written by his sister Myla.

"Give everyone a chance, or two, or three. Be happy with who are you and what you've got, but don't stop trying to be better. Be giving of your time. Share your happiness. Stand up for what's right. Never miss an opportunity to make someone feel good. And always, always make sure that your loved ones know what they mean to you."

Eternal Perspective

"The first step to getting the things you want out of this life is this: Decide what you want."
          - Ben Stein

This quote can be applied to families, marriages, careers, education, etc. It was brought up in my marriage class today and I loved it. It is so simple yet so hard to do sometimes.

I look at this quote in an eternal perspective view and apply it to marriage and families. When we decide what we want, we need to work hard to get it. A happy marriage and a happy family will not come easy. It takes work and practice and forgiveness and a whole lot of other things. However, if we can see our lives in the eternal perspective, things hopefully will become more clear.

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

This is a book that I have been meaning to read for a long time. It is sitting by my mom's side of the bed and I see it everyday. Why haven't I picked it up yet? Who knows. Anyway, somebody brought it up during class today and brought up an interesting point from the book.

"The best couples are those who are very independent but can work greatly together."

Obviously that isn't word for word and it might not even be what the book actually said... but it was something like that.

This describes couples who can do fine without each other. They don't need the other to be able to function. They still work together in all aspects of life and marriage but are not needy. They communicate, solve problems, dream together, and whatever else together but they don't depend on the other for everything.